#singlegirlproblems

i'm not really one to be blogging about this kind of shiz. in fact, lately i'm not even one to blog at a frequent rate. buuuut, it's hitting me hard like a giant rock hitting my whole body and i just felt the need to complain to the cyberworld.

guys....i'm single and i actually, kind of really hate it. for the past couple years, i haven't really cared that i was single. i was fine with it. i accepted it. i had multiple crushes on multiple boys, and i was fine that probably nothing would ever happen between me and these boys. these feelings went on for two whole years (twenty, if you count my whole life of never being in any sort of relationship...ha). and then my junior year of college happened. and part of it also might be that i go to byu, where i'm pretty sure 90% of girls are married by age 20. i plan to NOT be one of these girls, but obviously i have to date someone before i get married, right? but i think i've caught some kind of byu disease and it's slightly difficult to overcome. i'm sick, cough cough. ANYWHO...within like the first month of this semester, all of my closest friends had boyfriends/boys, and then i'm just over here like "i love food..." (c/o pinterest quotes).

and i'm like really happy for my friends. they all seem super happy and in love and what not. but then i get jealous of this love that's going around and sometimes i'm like "well who am i gonna hang out with?" and i usually find people. i have other people. but sometimes i like hanging out with them. but then i can't...but it's fine.

and then i gave it more thought. i'm pretty sure i'm single because i'm really picky. not just like really picky, but like REALLY picky. i kind of really only want to date guys that ski. i've been this way since i could drive myself up to snowbird. but it also just can't be any guy that skis. he has to #getatmylevel or be better then me. cause i like a challenge. i hate waiting for people. i like skiing hard things. sorry i'm not sorry that i'm really good at skiing. actually i'm not...well i am. BUT I JUST WANT A FREAKING GUY TO SHRED THE SLOPES WITH. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?
i'd also prefer them to be tall. and funny. and somewhat intelligent. and preferably attractive.

SO...tall, funny, attractive, smart boy that is super good at skiing, if you're out there, feel free to get at me.

help a nanny out, eh?

can i just complain for a second?
so i'm nannying this summer and i watch the cutest little almost one year old ever about 3 times a week.
while nannying this morning, i put whit in his stroller and we walked up to einstein's to get a bagel.
there were a few people sitting outside and they just watched me as i tried to open the door and push the large stroller into einstein's. didn't even offer to help. they just watched me. and not only did it happen as i was going in, it happened as i was trying to leave. they just sat and watched me struggle as i was holding the bagels and the stroller in one hand and trying to hold the door open with the other. sorry (i'm not sorry), but people are just really inconsiderate and rude and should probably just die because they don't have hearts. or brains.

it had to come out eventually.

i'm a generally quiet person and don't usually share my opinion with others.

but today, i got the sudden urge to vent the feelings i've been feeling for the past few months.

it occurred to me today that hipsters are overrated douche bags that only want to be friends with other overrated douche bags. i’m not hatin’ on hipsters. i’m just judging “hipsters”. the wannabe ones. mormon hipsters.

they raid the DI and sport their secondhand clothes around campus. the fake horn-rimmed glasses are a necessity. glasses make them seem intelligent, which therefore puts them “above” everyone else.  and the more obscure a band is, the more superior they are to you. if you don’t listen to bands like mumford and sons, devotchka or say…blue hawaii (haven’t heard of them?), then you’re not “hipster” enough. mormon hipsters are more like snobby people, who strive to be more superior than the normal folk that surround their apparent “uniqueness”. they have to be “different”.

i am not going to lie to you. for a while, i once considered myself a “hipster” or “indie”. i fit most of the criteria and i didn’t even know it. i was sick of wearing the clothes that everyone else was wearing and being that awkward high school student. sometimes i felt like i didn’t really have an “identity” and that i needed one to get noticed. it was just that typical “i want to fit in” mumbo jumbo phase that most high school students go through. therefore, i changed my wardrobe. no biggie. my wardrobe ranged from shirts and dresses from anthropologie and urban outfitters, a variety of wolf shirts from gas stations and indian reservations, and the occasional shirt or skirt from the DI.

and then one day, during my junior year of high school, i found out that a lot of the music i had been listening to for awhile was considered “indie”. i really felt cool that i was listening to stuff that no one had ever heard of. my friends began showering me with CDs because i had unique music taste and listened to the coolest music. by the summer before my senior year, i considered myself somewhat of a hipster.

and to this day, i haven’t changed anything about myself. i’ve been told that my clothes are cool and unique. a lot of my wardrobe was purchased at the DI and other various thrift stores. among my favorite bands are regina spektor, beirut, edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros, arcade fire, florence and the machine, foster the people, and others. in fact, my music is so diverse and “indie” that i’ve been called the “music guru” by plenty of friends. i own the fake horn-rimmed glasses and wear them on occasion. and i even drive a suburu.

but i can’t call myself a hipster anymore. coming to BYU, only to find that everyone is trying to be a “hipster” because that is what is cool and “in”, the uniqueness i once strived to keep up had been ruined for me.

i came to BYU hoping to find cool people that liked the same stuff as me. good music, good fashion, good culture. that is what i had always been in to and that is what i wanted to find. i thought i found them. i thought they were cool and easygoing, laid-back and fun to be around. i was right. for a little bit.

apparently if you don’t wear cool clothes, listen to the music no one else has heard of, or appreciate the cultural things in life, a friendship with these people wasn’t likely. i was a little disappointed. i did wear cool clothes and i did listen to cool music. i had already been doing this since high school. why wasn’t i feeling like i was good enough to hang out with these people. and then it hit me. why not try harder?

i spent more money than i wanted to at the DI, buying clothes i wasn’t sure i was going to wear. luckily, i liked most of my purchases and found a way to alter them, make them fit to my liking. i already had the music down. i felt my musical knowledge was more than superior. everyday i tried to be someone that i wasn’t. i tried until i couldn’t try any more. apparently it wasn’t enough.

but then i realized, why am I even trying? i’ll never be “hipster” enough for them. i already have great friends who accept me for who i am. they like me for me, and not just for my cool clothes and good music. they are the friends who have gotten to know me.

friends i can feel normal around.

friend i don’t have to feel shy around.

friends i can tease.

friends i can laugh with.

friends who are there for me when i get locked out.

friends who understand me when i quote youtube videos and movies like hot rod and nacho libre.

friends who understand my spa-ren-glish (spanish/french/english).

friends who understand me even when i just don’t quite make sense.

friends who don’t judge me for my absurd outfit choices or the “art” i create with my food at the cannon center.

friends who put up with my immaturity.

i tried to feel these ways around my “new BYU” friends, but i sort of felt like i didn’t even get the chance. but at the same time i feel like they didn’t get the chance. they didn’t get the chance to get to know me, to see who i really am. so who cares if i still hang out with my high school friends, they’re the ones i’d rather have.

To be a single cat lady or not. That is the question.

I'm honestly done going to school. To walk into that horrid establishment every day for the rest of the week is like walking to my own death. One more week, but I don't think I can last. So for now, I just lounge in my backyard and count the seconds to graduation. As I lay on my grass [which I think I'm allergic to], I recollect on the past four years of high school...
Lately my sister has been having boy problems. I have one thing to say. In my four years of high school, in fact the eighteen years I've been alive, I'm am more than glad I've never had to deal with boy drama. In fact, I've never been in a relationship, and as pathetic as that sounds, I honestly don't care! Sure it's a little awkward saying "no" whenever someone asks if you have a boyfriend, or when my friends talk about their first kiss, all I have to say is "my lips are sacred." But it's not as depressing as it sounds. I have many guy friends, in fact lately I only hang out with boys.
You might be asking yourself, "Why hasn't this loser ever had a boyfriend?"
The answer? I don't really know. There could be many reasons. A few have come to mind.

One, I'm a little shy and sometimes I have a difficult time talking to boys, but on the other hand, I'm pretty outgoing and sometimes I don't shut up and I have many friends that are boys. Lately I've only been hanging out with boys, and it's great.

Two, sometimes I feel like I fall for the wrong guy. More that many times have I "liked" someone, only to find out that they "like" someone else, such as another girl, or a close friend. I feel like I made a mistake even trying for a guy that isn't exactly the right one. I'm over these boys and realize how much I made a fool of myself and I've moved on. There's more to life than hot boys that you were hopelessly in love with.

Three, I don't know why but I have a thing for attractive quiet boys. Which is ironic, since I'm sometimes a "quiet" girl. Don't get me wrong, I love outgoing boys too. But quiet boys, they have like some shroud of mystery engulfing their gorgeousness and it makes you want to know more.
I'm a little bit in love with this quiet kid. He doesn't talk much, but when he does, he's hilarious. I can't help myself, honestly, sometimes I get butterflies when I see him, think about him, etc. And that doesn't happen often. And I've always had some secret crush on him, but it wasn't till lately that I actually realized how...cute and attractive he was. But if you can make me laugh, consider me yours. Just kidding. But it's true. I hate the concept of love sometimes.

Four, and finally, I'm just weird. Sometimes I feel like a guy would like that but, at the same time I feel like they're thinking, "Who is that freak that wears wolf shirts every Wednesday?" I hate to describe myself, but I might as well just once.

One word to describe me would be quirky. I'm clumsy, overly competitive, sort of smart, but "not all the way there" most of the time. I'm pretty nerdy. I'm obsessed with Harry Potter, I like videos games...a lot. I wish I never lost my gameboy. I like action movies like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones, and Pirates of the Caribbean. I wear nerdy adventure shirts with wolves on them. I have a soft spot for birds and Native Americans. I wander off on my own sometimes...in my own little world. I'm pretty funny I guess. I mean, I'd be friends with myself because I'm funny. I wear fake glasses because I think I look cool. Maybe I do, maybe I don't, but big glasses are awesome. I listen to strange but very awesome indie music. I don't even know what else to right. Basically I'm just some quirky, nerdy girl with a decent sense of humor. Does anyone else see that?

I feel like any crush or love interest that strikes me comes wrapped in a thick layer of bad luck. And sometimes I don't even want to try because I'll have to compete with someone, or I'm just not good enough. Either I'll die an old single cat lady, or I'll finally find the prince of my dreams.
So to sum things up, the male species isn't what it's cracked up to be.
See, I've already written too much about my stupid, pathetic boy issues and lack thereof. So if anyone reads this lame post, or lame blog for that matter...sorry for wasting a few minutes of your life.

Current Favorite Songs...
Blood by The Middle East
I Just Died in Your Arms by The Cutting Crew
CPR/Claws Part 2 by Typhoon
Crown on the Ground by Sleigh Bells
Alejandro by Lady Gaga

There are more, but I can't think.